If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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