Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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