she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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