ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
