you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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