my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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