I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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