He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
