I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
