Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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