it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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