At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
