I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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