Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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