mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
