The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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