During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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