these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
