We're like a lot better than the average bears
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
