will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
