Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
