this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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