Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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