You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
