So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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