i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
