you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
