Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
