We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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