His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
