If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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