First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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