At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
