I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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