I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
