I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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