i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Randomize
