So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
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You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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