Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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