before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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