My first STD was from a foam party
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
