Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
