You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
