I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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