I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
