he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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