i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize