I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
