i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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