I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
