When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
