you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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