The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
