your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
