He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
