So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
