I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
