Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
